The False Promise of 'No Contact': A Crisis of Kinship

The modern West has elevated personal autonomy to the status of an absolute, and its latest casualty is the family itself. A forthcoming book, 'No Contact,' examines the growing phenomenon of adult children severing all ties with their parents—often under the influence of therapeutic culture and ideological fervor. The book's author, writing in First Things, argues that while estrangement is sometimes justified in cases of abuse, the current trend resembles an autoimmune disease: the body's defenses turn against what is essential for life.

A New Language of Rejection

The story of nineteen-year-old Alice is emblematic. After coming out as bisexual on social media, she adopted a new political intensity, dismissed her parents as 'toxic' and 'Jesus freaks,' and eventually went no contact. Her parents, Greg and Tammy, were not culture warriors, but they found themselves vilified with a vocabulary that has become standard in online forums for estranged parents. Terms like 'found family' and 'chosen family' are now used to justify replacing biological kinship with relationships based on affinity and autonomy.

The Intellectual Roots of Family Deconstruction

This phenomenon is not spontaneous. The book traces its intellectual pedigree to anthropologist David Schneider, who in 1984 challenged the genealogical basis of kinship, and to Kath Weston's 1991 'Families We Choose,' which applied this critique to gay and lesbian communities. Judith Butler further advanced the constructivist view, describing kinship as a 'doing' rather than a given. This logic has filtered down to cultural phenomena like Drag Queen Story Hour, which is framed as a 'preparatory introduction to alternate modes of kinship.'

The Consequences of Radical Autonomy

The results are stark. Sociologist Karl Pillemer's research indicates that more than one in four American adults—roughly 68 million people—is estranged from a relative. A 2024 APA poll found that 21 percent of Americans have cut off a family member over disagreements on controversial issues. The ideology of consent, once confined to its proper moral sphere, now threatens to dissolve the most basic human bonds.

• The 'chosen family' model often fails in times of crisis, as one woman discovered when she lost her entire chosen family amid divorce and mental-health struggles.
• Another woman realized that her chosen family did not reciprocate her commitment: 'You may have chosen them as family, but they sure as hell didn't choose you.'
• A family built solely on choice remains vulnerable to future choices, leading to instability and abandonment.

Šaltinis: First Things — https://firstthings.com